So, it’s day two of back to school + school runs and already I have lost all motivation I had!
The house is a mess, I’m a mess & I’ve been in the crappiest mood possible since coming back from Cornwall.
Not sure if it’s ‘time of the month’ as I wouldn’t know, due to breastfeeding I no longer get periods, which is a good thing!
But I now have to try and think of any excuse to give to Rob and the kids about why I’ve been a massive dick.
You know when you clean your house, it’s completely spotless and you don’t have to worry about it for a few days? (or in my case, 5 hours).
Well, I’m pretty sure I haven’t cleaned the house properly since a few weeks before Holly was born.
I used to tidy and clean all day until every inch of the house was spotless and I could relax for a few days and not worry about it.
Now, it’s more or less whether I can be arsed to even do the washing up.
Holly has gone back to waking up 2-3 times in the night, which is fine, but when I have to actually get up out of bed at 6 am to get Alfie ready for school, it really does start taking it’s toll.
I MISS SUMMER HOLIDAYS!
Worst of it all, when I’m having such a bad morning – nothing is going my way, I’m losing things and forgetting things, I have a kiddie tantrum.
Don’t care to admit it.
My main concern when I wake up grumpy is to make sure I don’t show it to Alfie, the best thing for him in the mornings is to go to school with a big smile on his face, positive vibes and ready for the day.
This morning wasn’t that, he saw me cry and have a break down about not being able to find my car keys and worrying about being late.
Which resulted in me (silently) sobbing whilst I walked him to the school and waving goodbye.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I may have bipolar, Rob will definitely agree with that one.
Or the fact that I’m just a miserable cow 90% of the time.
I’ve had bad writers block the past few days and that’s obviously due to having to get up early & not being able to grab a coffee and sit down with the laptop, as well as going to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier.
Not just that – but because I haven’t had anything good to write about.
I don’t want to be one of those people that always rants and raves (I actually am) about things which many people would find simple.
Can’t find your car keys? Look harder. Running late? It’s OK, wake up earlier next time.
Urgh. Mostly, 1-2 days in the week is when I’m actually having a really good day, the rest of those days I just want to lay in bed, cry, eat junk food and binge watch Pretty Little Liars.
No I’m not depressed.
Is it just me?
I always portray myself to be this really happy, jolly person when actually – I had Rob order me a Costa this morning because I didn’t want to make conversation with the women behind the counter.
Not because I’m rude, I’m very far from it – but because I have those moods where I cannot talk to anyone, if I even attempt it I come across shy, irritated and rude – that’s not the sort of person I am.
My best bet is I have split personality.
One minute I can be absolutely fine – happy, joyful and lovely.
The next minute I can go in a rage for absolutely no reason other than I forgot to put an extra sugar in my coffee.
Something I will admit, is I hate when people are all like “Ooh, today I’ve already washed two lots of washing, hung it on the washing line, had breakfast, been for a run, done my food shop and it’s only 9am!”
By 9am on a weekend –
I’m still in my pyjamas, questioning whether or not I should wash the wet washing again because I left it in the machine all night, drinking a cold cup of coffee, wondering if I can get away with 3 day old hair and looking at the pile of washing I told myself I would fold & put away 4 days ago.
Where do people get their motivation from?! It’s funny because I’m the least motivated person ever – I have to really force myself to do things other wise I won’t do them.
Yes, they come with consequences and I still don’t learn from them.
I don’t want to p*** on other peoples parade, but I’m sure I’m not the only person when I’m having a bad day, seeing others having a fabulous day doesn’t make me feel better – it makes me feel worse!
You can tell my ‘3 Day Be Positive Challenge’ came in good use!
So yeah, here is me in all my glory!
I don’t want to portray myself as something I’m not.
Yes, I do have good days and I feel on top of the world and the best mum ever.
Other days (or most) I don’t want to be an adult, I feel like a crap mum and can’t find the motivation to do anything. I’m sure if you were to ask anyone that knows me, they’ll probably say (or I hope they’d say) “She’s lovely!” because I am, not in a big ego kind of way, but I would say I’m approachable and nice on a good day.
There you have it.
Hows everyone else’s day going so far? I hope everyone’s having a good one. If you are, don’t tell me. Kidding haha.
No I’m not.