The first time I openly admitted to Alfie about his Dad was when he was 4.
He had asked me many questions in the past and I tried to ignore it or change the subject, because for some reason I held so much guilt about the whole situation even though it’s something I never chose.
It was one day that Alfie had asked me and I thought to myself – why have I been keeping it a secret? It’s only going to bite me in the arse when he’s older that I’ve kept it quiet for such a long time.
So I approached it with “You do have a Dad, his name is…”
And so did I.
It was such an emotional moment because for the past year, he was finally hearing all the questions he had ever asked me.
As far as he is aware to this day, he is loved, missed and wanted.
I could never admit to him that in actual fact, he was pushed away like an unwanted object.
This child had feelings and a heart with so much love to give.
The amount of times I could’ve approached it by screaming & shouting that his Dad was a complete arsehole that chose not to love him – I didn’t.
That wasn’t going to solve anything and by doing that, I would of taken away Alfie’s right to have his own feelings and thoughts about him.
Within this time, I had to make sure Alfie knew none of this was his fault.
It took a while, and he did blame himself. “Why don’t they want to see me?” was something he also asked on a regular basis.
This tore my heart out and I had to say things were complicated – that his Dad and his family did want to see him, but hope to meet him in the future.
That was of course a white lie, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that they just didn’t want to.
Some of his family have come forward and do message me now & again regarding Alfie and wishing him good health.
I’m sure those people are aware how grateful I am, even for the quick message to know he is thought about.
The most positive way I look at this situation is – I have the most inseparable bond with Alfie, he loves me beyond words and I can take all of the credit for the wonderful person he has grown up to be.
Other people, will live with the guilt and curiosity for the rest of their lives – whilst I get to enjoy every part of him, his life and his achievements.
When Alfie was first given the knowledge of his Dad, he did refer to him as that, Dad.
But I corrected him and called him by his first name, he was confused by this, so I had to explain what a Dad was.
A Dad is someone who tucks you into bed, comes to your football practise and swimming lessons and supports you through life, this person wasn’t that.
Alfie is exceeding in school, is polite, has good manners and a heart of gold.
And that is why I am proud to say I have been a lone parent – especially to those who thought I would fail.
Alfie’s positive attitude and love towards people and life makes me so happy – I thought he would have been effected tremendously by the loss of his Dad, but in fact it has made him a much stronger person.
It is hard having to explain to a child about such a raw subject with many confusing emotions in tow, but it’s something which many parents have done or will have to explain to their children in the future.
It’s nerve racking, and worrying that you’ll be the one to blame, of course I prepared myself for this.
I don’t regret being truthful to Alfie and telling him about his paternal family, it’s made our relationship stronger and has shown him the courage I have, and people who lack it. (Burn)
So to all the single parents out there, even those who have found new love & have a greater role model for your children.. You rock!