Learning how to forgive yourself – how and why?
Today I thought I’d actually write a blog post instead of bullet pointing.
A subject which I’m very passionate about and feel positive towards is self forgiveness.
I am quite a forgiving person when it comes to others, but for myself I had to learn to be.
When I fell pregnant with Alfie, I was 16 years old (very young, I know!) and gave birth to him at 17.
I had a bit of baby blues.
I think that was due to missing out on so much as a teenager, watching my friends enjoying themselves and their lives whilst I was looking after a new born baby.
Within a few months I felt really, really down.
I knew something wasn’t quite right, I began questioning my parenting capabilities.
I wasn’t interested in being a mother anymore – despite Alfie loving me unconditionally from day one and throughout this dark time.
Over the years, myself and Alfie have built an incredible bond between us that I am so grateful for.
But it took me a while to have forgiveness within myself from the years I had missed out on and giving up on motherhood.
I had to learn how to forgive myself and come to the realisation that I had a mental health issue which no-one was willing to help me with – and also went unnoticed.
I had to stop giving myself the dreaded ‘mum guilt’, which I know we can all get on occasions, but this was different.
Guilt about not nurturing him when he needed me most, not having the immediate bond when he was first born and not giving him the affection he deserved.
I want to include my important 5 steps to forgiving yourself to help other mums who may have been through the same or something similar.
1. Understanding –
Understand why you feel the way you do and make it aware to yourself how it happened.
Be honest with yourself too, for years I lied to myself about how I felt and why. It may make you feel crappy, or may even give you that sudden urge to burst into tears – it’s good to express emotion.
The emotions of weakness and allowing yourself to feel pain, only proves how strong you are.
2. Accepting –
Sometimes you need to accept the past and previous mistakes.
Accepting those mistakes as part of your journey and without them, you wouldn’t be the person you are today.
Try and be grateful for those experiences to allow you to move on and to forgive yourself.
3. Realisation –
You need to try and realise you did the best you could at the time, from the knowledge that you had.
Making yourself stressed over it won’t make it any better.
4. Learn –
Learning from your mistakes play a big factor in self forgiveness, it’s what helps us in the future when we’re faced with certain obstacles.
Yes you would’ve perhaps done things differently – but it’s good to know that.
Reflect on the event/s and go over what went right and what went wrong.
5. Self Love –
Learning to love yourself is hard, we’ve all had to try and do eventually at some point.
Loving yourself after the mistakes you’ve made is tricky, but it shows enormous strength.
You need to remind yourself that you are a good person, no amount of mistakes can change that.
Focus on the parts of yourself that you love, whether it’s your eyes, heart, hair, legs.. anything – you’ll soon see a difference within how you perceive yourself.